Reasons to put your foot in it...
"This is going to sound wierd but ..., i kicked my wardrobe door in my sleep and knocked in a panel."  I hope you wear steel toe-cap bed-socks from now on.  We wouldn't want you to get a  sore foot or end up with frost bite in Narnia!"

Reasons to be up a gum tree...
7pm, Saturday evening, at home, feet up, watching TV, the phone rings.... A group of student girls. "An important letter (maybe exam results?) has just blown out the window and landed in our garden tree - can you help get it down?"  Found at the scene of the emergency the veritable Christmas tree had been decorated ... with some 30 magazines, scattered throughout the branches, it looked like recycling in reverse!  "We thought we could dislodge the letter by chucking things into the tree from an upstairs window".  Monkeying up the tree, our near-pensioner-aged maintenance man, John, rescued the precious letter whilst not forgetting the magazines.   Congratulations aroused a boyfriend who emerged from inside the house. Why had this young fit lad had not 'risen' to the challenge? "Too dangerous for me mate"

Reasons to be cheerful...
Probably my favorite gaff - retrospectively.  Recently advised that yet another of our tenants had become pregnant I (Bob Leydon) tried to sensitively pre-warn a new group of all girl student tenants of the regularity of this scenario and the consequences: Student becomes pregnant; abandons course; interruption / end of education; etc.   "Every year I get a girl pregnant", I warned... before we all spontaneously burst into laughter.   One of those moments when you want to eat your words, but too late - they have been said and heard.  I now say more boldly when embracing this topic, "Don't leave it to chance - crossing your legs is more effective than crossing your fingers" See also Q1 of FAQs.

Reasons to be committed..
Be careful who you select for a house mate.  Leydon have had three fires in 21 years only one was serious with no fatalities and all were avoidable.  Our tenant was obsessed with firemen - on a single day she telephoned every fire-station in Kent with hoax calls.  Our suspicions began with a visit by the police, asking who had made the first emergency 999 call?  Everyone knew, but no one could prove it was Xxxxx until she was ultimately prosecuted - twice. 

... Tales of the unexpected:
Placing a frying pan on a lighted gas, unattended, she left the house and arrived back just in time to call the fire brigade upon "discovering" the fire!  What a heroein!?  So while she was outside salivating with excitement at the sight of all these uniformed officers, our tenants were inside gasping for air.  Found guilty, she only narrowly escaped prison by ignoring the above advice [Pregnant Pause] and becoming pregnant receiving the mercy of the judge as a mother-to-be.

Reasons to be alive...
Occasionally tenants forget keys and we enable them back in again.  Leydon Lettings contract agrees a charge for replacement keys. In fact Leydonlettings is fairly relaxed and will often ignore the cost to save ill feeling.  This was becoming a habit with one tenant who was warned leydonlettings would pass on the cost to gain entry. With a contradiction in terms the tenant retorted "You shouldn't employ people like that if you have to pay them".  Disappointment can often erase reason and mock memory.  This is amusing in isolation of the sting in the tail. 

... Tales of the unexpected:

The tenant in her disappointment and frustration failed to recall the previous lock-out.  Only a week earlier Leydon lettings' representative opened the door with a spare key (without charge to the tenant).
Upon opening the door he was confronted by strong smelling gas fumes.  Closer inspection revealed an unlit gas hob was left on, allowing fumes to build up to a dangerous level.  A single spark from a light switch or boiler igniting could have resulted in a fatal explosion.
Our representative pushed the waiting tenant away from the door to safety before risking his own life and entering the house to turn off the gas and ventilate the entire house.  Was this appreciated...? "I am not paying for the key!"

Reasons to be red...

Leydon Lettings regularly renovate houses replacing old toilets with new.  Upon final inspection one tenant, seeking to avoid cleaning costs, argued that a filthy toilet, "Was already like that!" (covered in poo and lime scale).
"Don't you remember?", I asked.  "Remember what?" "It was a brand new toilet - never used before you!" As recollection dawned... in slow motion his face transformed from ashen grey to bright beetroot.  He cleaned the brown toilet leaving it nice and white!

Reasons to be bold...
In the middle of renovating a house during a summer vacation a prospective tenant attended to see the progress.  Whilst on-site she phoned me to ask if she could have a private en suite bedroom.  I explained we had already explored such possibility and regrettably there was nowhere to put it.  This lady was nothing if not persistent and in the end I said faithlessly, "Ask the builders if they can fit you an en suite".  I expected the builders to reply negatively.  Ending the phone call to me, the lady announced, "Bob says you have to build me an en suite."  Believing the lady had my endorsement the builders reviewed the plans and between them came up with a unique way to do what she demanded.  From now on, whenever the builders say no to me, I am asking this lady talk to the builders.  The builders ingenuity earned them a bonus and the lady was entered into the best ideas award "Awards"- which she won!

Reasons to be free...
A fellow landlord after he stopped laughing, told me that a prospective tenant had enquired about one of his houses.   Asked who his current landlord is, he replied, Leydon Lettings.  The landlord knowing Leydon Lettings, asked why he was leaving, only to receive the reply: "I have not paid my rent and they are chasing me for money, so I am leaving!"  The last I heard he was still looking for somewhere else!

Reasons to be unbelievable...
Having pre-arranged an appointment with my dentist I was subsequently faced with the possibility of a tenant arriving for the first time and at the same time as my dental appointment.  Realising this, I made contingency plans for someone else to enable access in the unlikely event  of simultaneous arrival.  The tenant was no less than the Bishop of Jerusalem, together with his family.  They stayed at one of our houses during the Canterbury Lambeth Conference 2008.  Traveling from Jerusalem, meant no accurate arrival time could be predicted.  The telephone rang, just at the moment I was about to leave for my dental appointment, "We have arrived in Canterbury".  I then sought to contact my substitute, but his phone would not respond. So I left a message cancelling my dental appointment and attended to our new arrivals.  The next morning the bishop's daughter required urgent dental treatment and not being local, I attempted to arrange an appointment using whatever influence I still retained with my dentist.  So I also explained in detail the reason for, and irony of, my own cancellation the previous day.  I was not name-dropping, merely trying to rescue my tenant from toothache.  Some months later on a routine visit to my dentist I found he had compiled a hilarious three page collection of excuses as to why patients had failed to keep appointments (probably compiled whilst waiting on failed appointments).  Entitled, "The Tooth Fairy" by Lawrence Green - my entry, however true, was the least believable, "Sorry I cant make it, the Bishop of Jerusalem has just arrived".

Reasons to be unclean...
Very occasionally our summer professional cleaning is not up to standard.  It is always the outgoing tenants responsibility to leave a house clean.  When not done properly, we engage cleaners and pass on the cost to those responsible.  However, Leydon is responsible to ensure the house is clean upon arrival.  So whatever condition the house is left in, we always get professional cleaners to finish it off, so there is no dispute about the condition upon arrival.  (Remember the new toilet story ...?).   A recent arrival telephoned demanding to know when all the pizza boxes and dirty laundry and sink full of dirty dishes would be cleaned.  This did not sound at all like our cleaners so we double checked - yes the house was spotless upon arrival.  Enquires revealed that the tenant was from a wealthy family with servants and was unaware we do not provide an ongoing cleaning service.  Still, it's never to late to learn some basic skills whilst eating humble pizza.

Reasons to be exasperated...
Often the first house-mate will arrive on 1st July.  The last house mate may not arrive until mid September or later.  Whilst the first to arrive can see the house is clean, this may not be so for later arrivals.  On one occasion the first to arrive had her friends living in the house for the entire summer, using all the facilities.  Then when her house-mates arrived, with parents in tow, they were shocked at the sight of a filthy house and piles of dishes and rubbish bags not put out for collection.  Phone calls and e-mails of complaint followed from parents and house-mates.  Meantime the original tenant had gone off on holiday, just prior to term starting.  Whilst the culprit was sunning herself in Spain we were left to explain!  Then, detached from the memory of what she had left behind, she returned from Sunny Spain and retorted - who me?  No it was already like that!  Other landlords suggest this scenario is not uncommon.

Reasons to be a student ... .

I think this tale is my all time favorite.  Prior to a new tenant arriving, her grandmother from an area around Russia announced she was coming to inspect the accommodation.
Accompanied by her granddaughter, Granny displayed shock and horror when she saw the bedroom.  The room was reasonably sized and ideally situated, almost opposite Christchurch University.  The furniture included a double bed, which granny claimed dwarfed the size of the desk and office chair.  "Beeeeeee-g be-duh ..., leeeeeee-tol desk ...?  ooo-wer aaare yooar priow-ri-teez!?  She eez hee-arrr to wooerrrk! " Granny insisted we take away the double bed and replace it with a single.  Meanwhile out of Granny's hearing granddaughter whispered, "Dowan't yoh der tek uhwey maeee doebal bed!" Goodnight!

Reasons to believe in Murphy's Law. ..
It was our intention to progressively upgrade all our houses to include as many dishwashers as possible. This was received with delight although we had not envisaged the high ongoing cost to maintain them and deal with leak damage when they went wrong.   To minimise damage from leaks we then invented a flood prevention system based on gravity drainage.  This was involuntarily tested within ten days of installation.  A phone message late at night exclaimed the dishwasher had flooded, when left on after all had gone to bed.  Heading straight for the house I inwardly smiled at my ingenuity and timely decision to invest in flood prevention.  The damage could now only be minimal - couldn't it?. The flood system relies upon water falling down by gravity into a drain.  Unfortunately in this instance the engineer reported the tenants appeared to have used washing up liquid. 

In denial the tenants claimed merely to have used cheap dishwasher tablets.  The result - excessive soap bubbles.
Reminiscent of the words from the children's fable, "Stop pot stop!" "The Magic Porridge Pot",   The bubbles continued bubbling up and over, filling the room.  Instead of falling down the drain, the lightweight bubbles floated up, and spread outwards, before condensing onto the floor, leaving our flood drain dry and our new floor very wet!

Reasons to be wet. ..
Occasionally we receive calls about things not working.  This is most common when new tenants arrive and have not figured everything out.  One new tenant asked if we could send a plumber to fix the shower.  After establishing she was at the house and using her mobile phone I first asked her to check all the fuses were on and pointing upwards.  I then asked her to go upstairs to the bathroom in question.  Then I asked, "Pull the pull-cord power switch on," at which point she exclaimed, "What's that noise?!"

Reasons to be cool ...
An existing tenant complained the fridge was not working.  Having categorically assured me that it was broken and that there was no point in checking or effecting a repair, I went the same day to Currys and collected a new fridge.  Before unwrapping it I first had to remove the defective fridge and unplug the old one.  As it happens one of the tenants had already unplugged it for me.  I pondered, "I'll just plug it in to make sure it is not actually working" sure enough with a reassuring humm, on it came.  Ho hum.  It is still working to this day.

Reasons to be comfy ...
Most of our beds now include orthopedic mattresses.  We initially introduced these to help students suffering back pains often exacerbated by sitting for long periods at a computer desk.  On seeing his housemate get a new mattress, one envious student suddenly feigned back-ache. Placing one hand behind his back and leaning back unconvincing onto this hand he sought to evoke sympathy to secure a new orthopedic mattress for himself.  Realising the rouse I popped the original normal mattress (just replaced by the new mattress) on top of his existing normal mattress with the offer of more to follow if required.   The next time I visited his back had evidently healed with only one mattress on the bed!  A very amusing try - I wonder if he ever found his princess as in Hans Christian Anderson's novel.  "And another thing... stop putting vegetables in my bedding... it's perverse!"